So here we are at Xmas. The kids are happy and spoilt rotten by their dad as usual. I’m here as a spare part. It’s a bit awkward really. I’m just tidying up and trying to be an invisible guest to Steve. I’m reminded of Xmas past when we were a real family. My heart aches for that. Steve, as usual, couldn’t care less. He’s tolerating me for the kids. He did buy me presents, exactly what I asked for. I’m very grateful but I miss the old days when thought went into it. I bought him some port and some records, I knew he’d love that. My record player for his birthday was a big hit as much as it pains him to acknowledge that I still know him and gifted him something he really wanted.

The kids are so happy with their presents which I’m really happy about

I’m not sure how I’ll cope with another Xmas like this. But it’s important to the kids that we’re all together. Maybe it’ll get easier next year. It hasn’t got any easier in time so far.

They’re all going to Napier after Boxing Day. I’ll miss the kids, but I intend to enjoy my time alone. Although, technically I’m still working. I’ve only got stat days off.

I’m still undecided about my study in the new year. I’m hoping I’ll have a clearer mind in the new year. I have no idea what the new year holds. I’m too scared to think about it!


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