Camping and counselling

Camping with the kids was absolutely fantastic. They were really helpful, they coped without WiFi and tv and we all had a really good laugh. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. For me, the disconnect from reality and being absorbed in (sorry for the cliche) nature and my kids was a real recharge. I would have suggested longer, only the heat was stifling so it was hard to keep food fresh, and we had to pick up C’s uniform in an allotted time today, and I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. But it was a good introduction at least. I especially enjoyed us all sitting around a lantern at nightfall and sharing ghost stories. It’s a rarity to have all the kids together and getting along like that. Obviously it’s no comparison to Steve taking them on a lavish holiday with meals out, but at least they adapt to my budget. I missed Steve on the trip. It’s my first holiday with the kids without him. I thought back to our camping experiences (and there were a lot) and I know he would have enjoyed seeing the kids out camping, and I’d have had someone else to share the memories with. It’s weird because I thought of him on our camping excursion but I know he would never have thought about me when they went on their first holiday without me. It never fails to amazes me how much of a light switch some people have with their feelings. We had years together but to him it’s meaningless.

Anyway, there’s no point droning on about that, it is what it is. The important thing is that I got to spend precious time with my children and they enjoyed themselves.

I did have my cell with me, although the battery drained and I had a message to say a counsellor has been allocated to me locally. I’ve been on a waiting list for a while so I’m really happy about that, although a little apprehensive that it’s a person I can relate to well. The reason I opted for this place was because it’s the cheapest service in the area and I may get funding. I literally can’t afford normal counselling or my old counsellor. I start on Monday.

My CPN has told me that I need to tell the psychiatrist that February will be a difficult month for me. I’m not entirely pleased as it’s also her last day so I hate going into detail, I’ll avoid it if I can. It’s infuriating that yet another psychiatrist will be allocated to me and then it’ll be starting from scratch again. I refuse to have any medication changed because a new psychiatrist doesn’t believe in it or whatever.

My medication does seem to be working, although I have to say it was a nuisance to remember it while camping. I never had medication before when I was camping. But I guess it’s that whole ‘having an illness’ thing, like a diabetic. Rather take a few minutes out to take some pills then be back to almost catatonic. I certainly wouldn’t have managed a trip like this a few months ago.

So now we’re back at Steve’s (he’s away) and I’m tied to laundry and tidying. The kids are back to devices and the tv is on. On the flip side it’s been really nice to have a shower and put clean clothes on! And of course, charge my phone!

This has been a really special summer. Usually the kids are in holiday programs but I’ve been determined to give them a good time with trips to the beach, the pools and of course camping. And with Steve taking them away to Napier (to his parents) and on their holiday, they have a lot to talk about when they go back to school, and more importantly they have memories.

I’ll miss them when they start back at school. Which is next week. But my plan is to take the dog on lots of long walks so I can keep up my activity level and increase my fitness. And get to the pools for a good swim.

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