Sun after the storm

So I had no luck with the GP. There’s a long wait for a psychiatrist, and strict criteria and as I’m being treated in NZ, I won’t get treated here. I understand the principle but my meds need reviewing and the GP won’t do it and I’m left struggling. I even had to get a nurse in NZ to send a copy of my current prescription to the GP before she wrote any out. As if I’d lie about the meds I’m on! I know my meds better than most GPs thank you very much!

I took the hurdle really badly and ended up brooding in my bed again, feeling dejected.

It was a struggle and Mum has been trying to get me to the hairdresser but frequently cancelling because I can’t face it. It’s her way of trying to make me feel better about myself and getting me out, which is actually really thoughtful. I decided to go against my desire to languish in bed and do it. I felt so anxious I nearly cried in the place! Silly really. I’ve always loved getting my hair done and been confident. But now I don’t go out and I’m so fat, I’ve not bothered. The hairdresser was lovely and really put me at ease. And I’m glad I had it cut. It looks a lot better.

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t want to go out again (mum had said she wanted to take me shopping). My body was like lead. Getting ready was really hard work and I didn’t think I could face it. But I decided to push through hoping I’d feel better for it.

 I got a lot of really nice things – which I didn’t expect! We walked around a bit and then stopped for coffee. For the first time in months I felt less self conscious and a bit more normal.

I also bought my son a really cute ‘Cars’ jacket from the Disney store (which admittedly I did tear up a bit).

I’m so glad I came back here. For a while it looked like nothing was going to change and perhaps it had all been for nothing. But gradually I’m getting a bit more positive. And it’s so nice to be cared for. My mum makes lovely home cooked dinners, and has done my laundry for me! I’m an overgrown kid again!

But it’s giving me the respite I need to clear my mind and try to think about my future. I’m still very sad and going back to NZ seems to be an overwhelming task; setting up all over again. But if I can continue to get myself in a better space I might start to focus on the positives. I feel like I have my family behind me, which really helps and I’ve still got friends to catch up with.

Getting there!

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7 thoughts on “Sun after the storm

  1. I can completely relate to your experience with the salon. For the past 3 years I’ve cut it once a year and always felt horribly embarrassed about how long I’ve let it go. Right now it’s been well over a year and as much as I know I should go I just can’t seem to find the energy to care enough about myself through the fog of my depression.
    Good for you for going and having your hair done despite your misgivings and extra kudos for going shopping and treating yourself😊
    Your story has made me feel a little less trepidation about going to the salon myself. Sometimes we all need a little push to remember the importance of self-care💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re doing much better than me. My oldest son said it perfectly “Dad you need a hair style.” He’s right as I just get the same haircut as seldom as I can get away with and don’t really care how I look anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So difficult to cope with feelings of inadequacies. I can relate for sure. I have yet to actually go to the salon. Frustrated with myself and the mental blocks I have put up.

    Like

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