More low?

So I wasn’t entirely forthcoming about something else on my blog, something I kept to myself. I saw my GP about reoccurring eczema on my breast and she referred me to a mammogram. I had that today and got the all clear. I didn’t want to write about it because I didn’t want anyone to know. Last night I hardly slept at all thinking about it. Not just the outcome but the test itself. Turns out the test wasn’t painful, it was quick and the woman was really friendly.

To be honest, I couldn’t have fought anything else. I’m on a losing streak with this depression. I can’t face the days, everything overwhelms me, everything is grey. 

Yesterday I had to pick the kids up early again because I had an appointment, this time with the benefits office. They won’t help with the ‘scungey’ flat, so I’m back to square one. I’m now officially homeless. Squatting at my ex husband’s. I honestly don’t think life can get much worse.

All of my crap is in storage, even clothes so I barely change. Goes with my barely showering. I’m a complete shambles.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I keep being rejected, smacked by the face and pushed down. 


2 thoughts on “More low?

  1. I also have a mammogram coming up…. on the 16th because I found a lump in my breast. I also have not told anyone but one person. I’m not sure why but I just simply dont want anyone to know. It is such a private matter, something intimate between my body and I. Between my femininity and I. I’m glad you got the all-clear!
    You write you keep on being rejected but I know for 100% that that is not by everyone. Focus on the people that accept you instead of the ones that don’t! You have your children and they love you. Look into their eyes and what do you see? There might be confusion there, might even be some pain and worry. But not rejection. Even now, when you are going to the UK, just make sure you look into their eyes. They will need to see the love coming from your eyes as much as you need it from them. It’s there, but if no one looks it could get lost in every day life.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s