Pointless

So the cottage is empty. Bar a few breakables that I’ll pick up tomorrow. I can’t express how difficult it felt to get up and get motivated. I ended up having to pay for the complimentary truck because I went out of the area, so my bank balance took another unexpected hit. I nearly cried. But that’s life with crushing depression, crying over everything. 

Driving the truck, even though it was a relic was quite nice. I was alone and it was peaceful. I’m definitely not into company at the moment. 

A friend of mine came along and him and S did most of the heavy stuff, as my stupid hand is still stuffed. I threw stuff in boxes and bin bags. I’ve moved so many times it’s just second nature now. I felt deeply sad though. It’s a long weekend here (Queens birthday weekend) and it’s a time when families do stuff or couples go to DIY stores to work on their homes. These used to be weekends I looked forward to with S. He’s non plussed about that. He was just fed up to be helping me move again. He was giving me these looks of disgust and it was clear I was the biggest thorn in his arse. I just wanted to curl up and cry. When did he hate me so much?

It took two trips over the mountain. I thought the day would never end.

Today I’m in bed. I can’t be bothered to shower. 

I had some post, a letter telling me that I have got points on my license. The cop told me I wouldn’t get points because it was a court thing. So now I have a conviction and points. What is the f-cking point anymore? I literally can’t take anymore.

I am falling from one disaster to another. There’s nothing to look forward to. No purpose to my life. I can’t be bothered trying anymore. It’s leads to nothing and I get let down and disappointed again. I prefer to spend my time sleeping. 

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2 thoughts on “Pointless

  1. There should be a button for “Don’t Like” which I would click because I don’t like the fact that you are so upset. I wish I could come and cheer you up. Take care.xxoo

    Like

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