It’s 5pm and I’ve finally showered and gotten out of bed. The kids have been off school today for a staff training day and I’ve not had the energy or sheer physical capacity to join them.
Tomorrow I’m moving my stuff from the cottage into storage. It’ll be a monumental job that’s not even been started yet. I can’t even imagine getting through it at the moment.
I’ll move into a flat next week. Which gets me out of this house, but I’m not looking forward to it. At least I can be hidden away.
I am seeing the benefit office next week too, which puts me where I never saw myself, living off the government. My life has become a series of disappointments and I can’t work out how to change the path I’m on. I’ve tried applying for jobs, I set my heart on a break home, but it seems nothing I do works.
Maybe I need another medication review?
I’m so afraid of continuing this miserable existence. Of basic showering and hygiene feeling like huge tasks. I don’t even know who I am or what I want anymore. Nothing has a purpose.
Will this ever change?