First leg booked

The first leg of my flight is booked now for June 4. I can’t book the reminder until I next come into money. But at least I have a date now. I feel both anxious about this and happy about my decision to leave this is my thought process;

The bad

  1. Away from kids (huge deal)
  2. Away from sorting out life
  3. Longest distance if there’s an emergency 
  4. Feel like I’m running away 

The good

  1. Time away to reset
  2. No demands/pressures
  3. Lower costs (no rent, etc)
  4. Time back with my own people
  5. A much needed holiday 
  6. Time to grieve and think about way forward 

I think whenever a mother in particular takes time away from the family it’s a huge decision likely to have strong feelings of guilt. At the moment I am just bumbling from one problem to another and I’m just not getting any better. I need to be surrounded by people, I need the pressure taken off and I want to feel better about who I am for my children. 
Booking the first leg of my flight has given me a better sense of focus and something to look forward to. Next weekend will be storing stuff from my house into storage. So the extra weeks will work quite well in terms of organisation.

I’m still dreading the 24th May and really hope for resolution on that day as I can’t bear the thought of it dragging on.

I have this terrible restlessness which I’m not sure is because of the anxiety or because of the medication I’m taking. Either way I’m uncomfortable in my own skin.

I just have to have faith that things will get better.

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