So I have officially handed in the notice for the house in Martinborough. I don’t think I will earn any money through the tourist website particularly as it’s off-season here. And it’s too much of a gamble. I haven’t heard back yet but I imagine he won’t be very happy. S has made it abundantly clear that he is in no position to help me move financially but I’m hoping with the promise of the bond that will at least help somewhat. I’m putting everything into storage, which costs me less Per month then my weekly rent. It will certainly take the pressure off of me financially and help manage the amount of things I have to worry about. I still plan on going to the UK so hopefully I can get all of this done and packed away before I go. When I return NZ I know I can easily rent a small studio in the interim while I sort out longer term lodgings.
I still feel really miserable and restless, as my car is impounded I’m useless when it comes to driving the kids around, and I haven’t been able to keep to any of my appointments. At least I see the psychiatrist on the 18th May so hopefully some new medication can be sorted. I just can’t imagine ever getting over this low, and I keep saying it but it just seems the days drag on with no end in sight.
I have asked S to tweak my resume as I’m sure it would help if I started sending that out again. I’ve done a lot of work on it but he’s excellent at providing really top of the range resumes, I guess because of his work history. Maybe in a way my lawyer was right I just need to get on. Even in my misery surely I can fake it until I make it.