Respite II

When I was in the UK, I was hospitalised with PTSD and depression. I’ve referred to it before The Priory.

There are two private hospitals in NZ that I know of (not in Wellington) but they are incredibly expensive.

Here in state funded respite I have a private room and shared bathroom/kitchen facilities 

I provided the fan! I can only sleep with moving air – even in winter. And I just had my bedding changed because clean sheets are important to me. I also launder my clothes regularly.

Here I am getting much needed rest. 

As it is Good Friday I went to see my children today at about 11 AM it was so good to see them again as I’ve missed them so much.

But I couldn’t keep my eyes open and kept dozing off. I felt really discouraged and disappointed that I was like this. My brain can’t seem to process too much stimuli at any one time. So I kept my time with them brief as it’s going to be a long weekend. I arrived back at respite and sat reading my book in front of the heater, because I didn’t feel able to warm myself up. I stayed in the lounge as there was some comfort in the comings and goings of people. Even though I usually see it as intrusive and even unsafe, I wasn’t quite ready for the isolation of my bedroom.

I’ve tucked into another Dean Koontz as I know I’ll be rewarded with a long and engaging read. Although my concentration faulters, I do my best to absorb what I can. And reading has always been my greatest form of escapism.

S’s mother has finally left the building! Leaving the house smelling like a brothel – tone down the perfume woman! The kids were glad she left, apparently it was quite the struggle for her. Welcome to my world!

S hasn’t been overly supportive nor caring about my situation. I’m sure he’d prefer his mother to just move in and then they could live in harmony together!

He’s removed his interest quite consciously – a move no doubt initiated by his mother. I feel the loss, I liked it when he cared. But he’s an ex, what can I do?

I’m looking forward to seeing the kids tomorrow. I’ll probably keep it relatively short again so I can spend longer on Sunday.

I do hope they grow up to understand.


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