Living with PTSD/anxiety

I’m back over at my house now thank goodness, I’ve brought my two youngest with me as they have been ill all  weekend with the tummy bug. Although I haven’t minded staying with S as I’m finally promoted from a mattress on the floor to an actual bed which makes all the difference! It’s just been really hard work with all four children, keeping on top of the house, keeping on top of the laundry, so it’s nice to be in the peace and the two youngest have slept most of today anyway.

I’m not feeling too great myself I had a wicked migraine this morning so I had to stop and get some special medicine for that (imigran) the drive over wasn’t fun, but at least I got to sleep when I got here. And for once I didn’t have to worry about picking the kids up from school and dealing with dinner and the mess they create. It’s so beautifully peaceful here and the kids and I went out earlier to get some milk and bread and it was wonderful to see how cute this town is, how much it’s  grown since I last stayed here – when we owned a cottage here.

Tomorrow the kids are staying and we’ll only pop out for some basic bits. These couple of days are about relaxing and recharging, something I can do quite easily at this house. We will head back to S’s house on Tuesday night, as he goes away again so I’ll be back on duty Tuesday/weds. And I have appointments with my psychiatrist and my therapist.

My mood has kind of reached a plateau, where I’m not constantly miserable but I do feel overly emotional and my anxiety is certainly very high, with periods of breathlessness and chest pain. I’m not even aware what’s triggered me half the time. I don’t like the feeling but there doesn’t seem to be much I can do about it. In the grip of this anxiety continuous noises or sudden noises really irritate me. Someone is building something this afternoon and the banging is non stop and I can fill myself on edge. The intensity of the side-effects of PTSD is difficult to live with. With periods of anxiety, unsubstantiated fears, interrupted sleep, and restlessness.

My hand remains painful and I’m having to wear my brace more and more. I still have no feeling in my little finger and half my hand, so it’s frustrating when I bang it against something. I’m not sure how I haven’t managed to rip my little finger off yet! But hopefully in another week when I go to the hospital i’ll get a better cast for my hand and can start towards rehabilitation. Of course this alone well exaggerate my anxiety to new levels. Why must everything be such a battle all the time?

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