A therapy session to me is like sports physiotherapy to an athlete . It gives me a chance to iron out the kinks that seem to appear more than the average person! My therapist is very open-minded and has a great perspective on people and the world. She never fails to make me feel accepted and she never makes me feel uncomfortable regardless of what I bring up.
Today I expressed to her pretty much verbatim what I said in my blog last night. That parts of me are at peace and confusion and bitterness are slowly waning away. And my home is truly my safe space which I have wanted for so long.
It’s another hot summers day here which makes me feel very calm as I believe I am solar powered! So my therapy today was calm and I talked about feeling panic for essentially no reason and I didn’t get panicked while I talked about it. I did also talk about a couple of innocuous comments my parents had made on Facebook and why that’s upset me. I also think that these comments were responsible for feeling panicked. I just didn’t want to recognise that they were having a bad impact on me. There is some communication between my parents and my aim is always kept light, I still have some anger around their complete lack of wanting to acknowledge what happened to me, but I will never get closure because they will never change. I recognise them as narcissistic and being unhealthy people, but I will continue a light dialogue with them because at the end of the day they are my parents.
So when I talk about ironing out kinks, I mean things like why my parents frustrated me and how I can deal with the fallout. Going directly to them isn’t an option as I would with anybody else that made comments. They will never understand and it will become about them and I don’t have the energy or inclination to handle their and unhealthy minds. As I’ve said before talking it out is so much better for me and I really love the relationship I have with my therapist.
I feel lighter from my therapy today. I also recognise that I feel very tired from the last couple of days. Often I try to push through the tiredness because I don’t want to be ruled by my medication or my mental health. But I’m tired of going against my body’s needs.
This evening I’m back at my house alone, so I intend to enjoy the peace and have an early night. That doesn’t mean I won’t miss my children terribly but I know we have a lot to do over the weekend to make their bedroom special at my house.