First night fears

My first night was far worse than I could ever have anticipated. I was convinced somebody was outside the house so I closed all the windows even though it was a warm night. I grabbed my golf club and started wondering around the house; I couldn’t find the lights for outside and I didn’t want to put the lights on inside in case whomever was there would see me. I played in my head every possible scenario. Handing over car keys and wallet, a Violent scenario where I would have to fight and also maintain my grip on the golf club. Every time I started to doze off with exhaustion I’d wake myself up to listen hard again; the golf club stayed in my bed with my hands gripped around it.

This morning my hand hurts, I have a migraine, and my jaw aches where presumably I was grinding my teeth when I did sleep. I really needed a good night sleep and as I said I anticipated a rough first night but probably not as bad as that! I literally can’t remember feeling that  terrified for a long time. Although I am feeling in pain this morning and still shaken it is wonderful to wake up in this beautiful place and walk around my beautiful new home. I just hope tonight will be much more calm and enjoyable!

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3 thoughts on “First night fears

  1. I wish I could tell you that bad nights wont happen anymore…. but we both know they will. But I can tell you that they are followed by good days. Good days, together with your children. Good days, where you can relax in the sun. Good days, where you can embrace your son.

    This was a bad bad night but you got through with the outcome “it is wonderful to wake up in this beautiful place and walk around my beautiful new home”. You fought and you came out strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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