Last night I slept on S’s couch as I had no gas bottles for my house and I didn’t get time for shopping. Sleeping on the sofa brought a variety of different nightmares; I always expect nightmares when I’m Sleeping in a different place but I didn’t know it would be that bad. Probably drinking those two bottles of wine didn’t help but it felt so nice to unwind after loading the truck all day. Today has been about hanging pictures which I enjoy doing and also unpacking boxes and putting things away which I enjoy significantly less. I’m at that stage where it looks messy but I’ve been working all day. I’m going to have a bath as luckily I have one here and then I’m going for an early night. I suspect I’ll have nightmares here but I did do a blessing for the house with burning sage and a bell and I bought a beautiful dream catcher. All else fails I also have a golf club under my bed!
My New home is a contrast to my old house as it is very bright and airy lots of windows and a beautiful French door opening onto a lovely deck which I can actually enjoy considering I don’t have horrible neighbours any more. I’m feeling really positive about this house although I’m sad about the distance between here and the house. But the children will stay at the weekend and eventually Harry may go to school here which would be perfect.
I’m actually feeling really lucky tonight lucky to have the opportunity to live in such a beautiful town in such a beautiful little home. For the last few months it’s really been treading water in a home where I don’t feel safe and where I haven’t been able to appreciate anything. That house was also considerably darker not just because I couldn’t open all the curtains but also with all the wood and I’ve always liked this modern contrast with cottage style originality.
It is hard to explain to people that I do suffer with PTSD especially when moving into a new home. Learning the sounds of the house, learning where light switches are, learning how to unlock doors, hearing the different noises at night. Most people when they move house do experience a similar reality but with PTSD the symptoms are emphasised and I feel even more hypervigilance. By sheer luck I am the back property so there are no passing cars, and no one is likely to come onto my property plus I have the added bonus of a gate that I can close.
I introduced myself to the person in the front house and his name is Brian and he moved here because of noise in the town where he used to live. He seems a friendly elderly man and I will catch up for coffee with him in the near future.
As you can imagine my hand is hurting even more and S has told me that I won’t be able to attend my next physiotherapy appointment because he has business away so I will have to pick up the children. It is a real shame but at least I was shown different exercises for my hands to gain strength and it’s certainly been tested these few days!
So, my first night in my lovely new home and I’ve had oil burners going all day so it smells deliciously of berries in every room. Add my earlier cleansing routine and I have to say I am feeling really clear minded and positive.