So today I visited my psychiatrist. I explained that although I was now functioning I still didn’t have any real joy or real happiness. The medication was certainly helping but I still don’t feel like myself. We decided to add amitriptyline to the mix in the hope that this will help elevate my mood. The meeting felt formal and short. I did have the urge just to breakdown and cry but mostly that’s down to the tiredness from the last few days. I was devastated when a good friend of mine escaped from a mental health unit, I was genuinely really concerned for her welfare especially when the police got involved. I’m delighted that she has returned safely and is getting the care she needs. I’m going to see her tomorrow.
First I have my first physio therapist appointment hopefully that will give me some relief as I will have a specially made splint that will force the ligaments back into place.
S returned late this evening after his flight was delayed so I have returned to my house. Everything has been boxed and most of my stuff is up at the house. So this house feels really empty and sparse and somehow that makes me feel even more vulnerable. I haven’t heard my neighbours yet that’s not to say I won’t cop abuse when they see my lights are on. This will be my 2nd to last night in this house, it feels like it’s dragging. On Friday night I’m doing a special camping night with the kids with a school project so although I don’t expect to sleep very well on the floor at least I know I won’t be in this house where I don’t feel safe and well I feel so vulnerable.
So here I am still suffering with this depressive mood in the middle of a move which they say is stressful enough let alone a badly mangled hand!
As everyone agrees; I don’t do things by halves!
All I hope more than anything is that my new house gives me the peace, the safety and the space to feel able to recharge myself and start to feel better about myself and start hitting more of my goals. Luckily as I’ve mentioned before I know the area and I used to love walking around the town any time of the day or night feeling very safe as it is so peaceful and stunning I’ll put some pictures up when I’m finally settled.
Just a privilege to have my windows open and the kids to be able to play in a fenced backyard, free of drunks and the smell of marijuaina.
Tomorrow I get a lie in as S is taking the kids to school. So I’m looking forward to hopefully banking up some more rest.