I went to the family planning clinic today to get my Depo-Provera injection which is always a triggering situation for me because I went to a family planning clinic with my ‘friend’ after the rape. Theres pamphlets with some pictures of various scenarios of assaults and I find it really triggering although extremely necessary for this information to be available to people. Plus its my personal decision to go to the clinic because I want to keep it separate from my doctors because I want to have everything compartmentalised; a psychiatrist for mental health, the family planning clinic for my depo and the doctor for various elements.
It’s in the city so it’s quite a drive for me but on the whole I think it probably is worth it. I was feeling exhausted afterwards I guess also from yesterday’s interview which I found out I didn’t get the job primarily because I’m not a Christian. It is ultimately a Christian organisation I thought that be would open-minded enough to look outwards for outsourcing but instead they wanted someone with a similar ethos.
I’m shattered but tomorrow I have my appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss my medication regime and address any issues I’m having.
I don’t know how helpful she will be, she is only a Locum but I hope I can discuss my sleeping issues, my nightmares, my anxiety throughout the day.
S is also home tomorrow so there will be some relief that I have back up with the kids in the evening. It’s a really full on task looking after four kids in the evening. Plans for the rest I’m back up as a Friday night in a tent which will be a long uncomfortable night the day before I officially move into my new house in the new area.
I’m looking forward to next week when I have finally moved into my new area and I can start to make the place feel like a home and a safe space. I would like to take evening walks also in the area as I used to do when we owned the property there. And the general feeling of being away from the area in which ultimately represents the area in which my marriage ended.
I’m so tired now but I’m holding on for my appointment tomorrow and then the next day I have an appointment with the physiotherapist I really liked to sort my hand out with a specially made splint.
My daughter took a couple of pictures of the sunset this evening, she’s captured it perfectly