See, now that is what I just don’t get about depression but I hate about it so much. Yesterday lying in the garden the sun warming me through to my bones I can actually believe that I was just a normal person and it was just a normal day. Today, for no apparent reason I’ve woken up feeling instantly miserable and that everything is wrong with me along with the world.
My son stayed over at my house last night. I really enjoyed having him stay as he hasn’t for quite awhile because of my neighbours. luckily they were quiet last night so we both had a good night sleep. However my house is now filling up with boxes that need to be packed and need to be marked and as I’m doing that I can fill my enthusiasm for the job waning because it’s just so much hard work dividing things into whether something should into one box or another to make sure it’s going to be easy for me when I come to open them. Of course because I’m moving from the house to an apartment most of my things won’t fit but fortunately I can leave a lot of my stuff here at S’s house.
Again I thought I was well past this moving business and moving into different accommodation. I am anxious about the place I’m moving in to as I’ve already mentioned it’s not the most ideal situation but at least it’s a temporary solution one I look for something better.
I’ve managed to accomplish quite a lot of packing today including putting lots of clothes into cases and leaving myself a small amount of clothes to last until the bigger apartment is available. But now I feel exhausted I’ve pushed my hand to the limits of it and it hurts a lot and I can’t stop falling asleep I feel absolutely drained and exhausted and this is where the depression gets to creep back into my mind again and turn everything and twisting and making me feel really bad about myself.
I just feel inherently lonely and that my life has taken on this unpredictable and uncomfortable path that I’m just having to follow and hope for the best.
Today it’s very overcast very windy and stormy weather warnings are up and around and it reflects my mood because it is so hard to imagine that just yesterday I was lying in the garden in the sun and today the weather is atrocious it’s seems to reflect my mood changes perfectly.
This year has gone downhill so quickly! But I’m still holding on. My little guys need me.