I’m at S’s place. He’s at work and the holidays are still going. I had to be here by 7am. My sleep was interrupted with bad dreams and stressing over things. So I arrived here feeling dreadfully tired. The 5mg to my 10mg of olanzapine is making me constantly hungry and lethargic.

I feel like there will be no end to this constant depression. My hand hurts terribly, I now have mouth ulcers and my short term memory is suffering. I find myself constantly forgetting dates and or conversations.

After spending yesterday in bed, I’d hoped to feel better today. But I don’t at all. I really wish I could sleep my way through this. I wish I could be in a coma until this time passes. 

Everything is grey. Every movement is slow and clumsy. I keep dropping things.

I feel like I’m in this gloomy, dull, thick mist that only I can see. I actually find it hard to care about anything, or do anything. I don’t want to move. This mist has engulfed me and its squeezing the oxygen out of my lungs. I can’t breathe properly, everything aches. I wonder when I’ll ever feel normal again 


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