My babies

You know life.

A weird kaleidoscope of images and feelings. Some profound they can bring you to your knees in a supermarket. They can make you smile, the brightest biggest smile when you’re alone.

My son has been that missing piece for me, the unconditional love, the spontaneous phrases. He has been a masterpiece of all the good in life.

But the bad images come. The jaggered parts leave cuts on your soul, the bleeding is invisible but it pours. The mai is intolerable but often we hide it.

Why must the pain be so tense and so consistent? Why can’t I be normal. Why can’t I love my son with all am not worry about him to a degree a ‘normal mother would. 

I’ve failed. I’ve fallen. I can’t get up, son, please be the man I’ve always dreamt you’ll be. You are my hopes, my fears, my dreams.

My daughters, so beautiful and unique. Be good humans, learn, speak up for yourself. I love you all so deeply.

My ex hates me with such strong convictions. He doesn’t own me anything – but to put those children first always. To give them all the love I want to.

I’m broken, too scared, to uncared for by people that should have looked out for me. I seek my own peace.

I love you my beautiful children – never forget that xxx

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4 thoughts on “My babies

  1. Penny, please reach out to someone who can help – not your ex. You must save yourself first to then help your children grow up. You have not failed. It can be very hard, very lonely, but you will come through the other side. Take care.

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  2. The only way you will fail is to show them that life is too big by leaving by your own hand. You have an obligation to show them that there are flowers even in the desert. To show them that life is beautiful even in the darkest of places. You are so full of love & experience (bad & good) and they need you to teach them. Don’t leave that job to your ex… he won’t do it as well. Give yourself the gift of being the love you haven’t gotten.
    Hang on…

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  3. If you rely on your ex to relay your feelings to your children, you will be doing them a severe injustice. He will not do it. He will tell them what he wants to tell them and most likely, portray you as a weak, unstable person.
    You must show them yourself. Lean on them if you need to. Children are small but they are human beings and they can offer so much if you let them. 🙂

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  4. Please please please stop saying goodbye. You have written before that you can not leave because of your children. Your children are still here. So you can not leave.
    You need help. If you were close by I would come and help. Go to a hospital, go somewhere. If the people that should have looked out for you failed, look for other people.

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