Still working it out!

My work out today sucked. I had been feeling so inspired, so motivated that I was taking steps to improve my fitness. Although hard some days to get motivated, I have quickly enjoyed feeling the activity and I especially enjoy the endorphins. The sense of purpose for that hour I’m training. But today I struggled to get up, dropping off the kids at school felt like a huge hurdle. So I knew my training session was probably going to be hard. Facing people, talking, the physical stress. I could have just not gone, so easily I could have slipped home to bed. I made up excuses in my head, reasons to justify missing the morning. But I went. I never got the feeling of being in ‘the zone,’ nothing felt right. My body felt like it was made of lead, uncompromising, heavy, clumsy. I felt constantly tired. Talking to my trainer was hard, I didn’t even want to face her. 

But I did my hour and I’m glad I did. Although it wasn’t very good and my body worked against me, I hope the next session won’t be as hard.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist afterwards. I told her I was fighting the low and I was getting better on the whole but some days just really tested me. Plus I felt tired and nausea, I wasn’t sure what was causing what. She thought the tiredness was mood and meds, same with nausea. Both should improve.

After that I bought a Subway salad and came home to rest. 

It’s a beautiful Spring day today. But I’m not in the mood to enjoy it. I really do just want to sleep now.

The kids are being awesome, I’m enjoying being up here in the peace and running things while S is away.

I know there’ll be good and bad days, but when the bad days come, they’re really tough.

Really struggling with concentration. I think I’ll go and sleep now.

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