Hurt

My ex has invited his parents to stay at the house the night before and morning of C’s birthday. No asking, just a text confirmation for me. Of course, any response I make is seen as an over reaction or need for control, so I can’t possibly communicate the depth of hurt I feel. His parents that I don’t get along with in my home, with my kids on my daughters birthday.

Any connection I had to this house is gone. I don’t feel welcome, I feel like an over staying guest. As such I worry about the bond with my children.

I’m staggered by the betrayal of S and his total lack of regard. 

My initial reaction was to stay at the house, out of principle I wouldn’t be pushed out. But I realise I’ll have three against me, and again any comment I make will make me seem the villain. I have no choice but to stay away and let S and his family enjoy my house and my children.

Just when I thought I was feeling stronger and more in control of my life and feelings – this happens.

I didn’t think I could ever feel more hurt – but S has surprised me. 

I’m not going to go on feeling sorry for myself and give S and his family the benefit of my sorrow. I just hope I’ve created enough of a platform so that my kids know I love them. I’m going to see my daughter the day after for dinner and a movie.

Any respect or regard I had for S has gone. In place there is coldness, such a deep disconnect and resentment. 

I have struggled to come to terms with the separation. I have felt lonely, I have clung to the possibility of a reunion of sorts. I have offered myself in couples therapy for S to offload his resentments, and to find a way forward.

But now I am in no doubt. This man is a stranger to me. The house is just a financial interest. I will never find warmth, compassion, respect within these walls with this person.

My journey is one I take alone, fortunately with good friends and hopefully with my children.

There is no more grief left. There is nothing to grieve for. What I once knew died a long time ago, in fact perhaps I imagined the whole thing. I can’t remember a time when I was happy with this man.

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One thought on “Hurt

  1. I’m sorry you have to go through this. =( You’re stronger than I am… I just read something that truly fits you…

    “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.”

    You’re aware of your emotions and your situation, and you seem to have accepted it. Keep your head up and stay strong. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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