A lot is happening for me at the moment.
Study is full on, but I’m enjoying learning more about myself and better ways to communicate
My job is really busy! I’ve had my first client that I’ve helped find housing, access benefits and generally guide her through reintegrating into the community.
I’m looking for another property because my flat mate is really dirty and I think I really need my own space. Plus I want extra room for my kids. I’d like them to stay with me so I don’t need to keep staying at the house and putting myself in the emotionally conflicting situation with S. It’s a long draining process. At least 20 people are turning up to a small number of available properties. Some properties are just horrible. And I’m keen to find a home.
Things with S and I continue to be emotionally fraught. I have great friends that support me, but I still miss him and I hold onto the good memories.
My therapy work continues and I’m finding it really useful.
I’m doing another self development course, this time in being assertive. I’d like to learn ways to be assertive without the aggression. To be active in my responses; not reactive.
I’m in a process of transition. I’m learning more about myself and perceptions all the time and I’m open to that. Despite the stressful periods, I’ve maintained my mental health (psychiatrist appointments every 2 months). Some times I can feel sadness, grief, despair – but I let those feelings come. I’m not ashamed to cry or to feel vulnerable.
I don’t hold onto anger, it’s not conducive to my journey. And I’m trying harder to live in the present, not wallow in the past or worry about the future. Only somethings are within my control.
I’m aiming towards a more peaceful way of living. Not fraught with tensions and letting self doubt cloud my judgement.
I’m finding that slowly I have an inner strength, I have a quiet determination to do well in my studies and work. And no one can affect me with the same velocity that they used to. I can understand where I need to grow and how much my reactions say about where I’m at.
Its not an easy journey. But that’s ok. I’d rather honesty and transceparency than continuing on a road where I continually put myself down, let others dictate how I should feel or what I should be doing.
Fundamentally I’m on track! And I’m feeling ok 😊 although I kNow the ups and downs are inevitable.