Coughing up

My poor son was sick last week, hacking up his lungs like a 70 year, 40 a day smoker. I knew his chest was clear and considered it might be due to the rapid changes in weather as we head full steam into autumn. I’d booked him into the gp as a precaution, but in the early hours of the day of that appointment his coughing got so bad he was wheezing. I decided I wasn’t going to take any chances and drove to the ED. Like a car with a funny noise, arriving at the mechanic and the car sounding fine, as soon as I hurried into ED, his breathing stabilised and he barely coughed! The dr looked at me like I was nuts while my son sat happily playing a car game on my phone. No temp, healthy palor, normal breathing. Explaining how just a few moments ago the boy could barely get any oxygen in. The on call dr told me there was nothing he could do and sent me home to wait for the GP appointment in a few hours. Still, I’d rather be driving back at 4am on a ‘wasted trip’ than hearing a dr tell me I had ‘only just made it in time.’

The GP put it down to a good old virus. Completely generic, non commital and prescribed an inhaler. 

I kept him home for a couple of days before the weekend so that he could catch up on some much needed rest. 

Suffice to say, I haven’t been at the flat for the last week. 

S and I have been getting along in an odd platonic style. I literally have no idea what it should be referred to, but it’s good, so I won’t knock it.

I’ve finished my due assignments, which I have to admit are pretty tedious and boring. Im looking forward to the second year.

University is going well though. 

The nightmares still haunt me nightly. I’m at odds of how to deal with them. They can be so brutal and I wake up feeling drained and exhausted. Sometimes quite emotional and definitely more easily triggered. 

I think it will be helpful to talk about it and I think the compulsory therapy will be a good place to get that out. As there certainly isn’t anyone I’m able to talk to at the moment.

S and I might be platonic, but it’s also greatly superficial. As long as we avoid deep and/or emotive topics, it’s all fine.

It would be nice to have some romance, but I can’t imagine meeting anyone that might be remotely interested in me. And I don’t get out enough to meet anyone. I’ll just enjoy the affection from my gay best mate, he’s awesome! 

I finished my antibiotics for my skin infection, but it’s flared right up again. Back to the tablets I suppose.

I’ve got a busy week ahead with uni, so no doubt I’ll be plagued with migraines and feelings of insecurity about my competence.

I’m looking forward to feeling more in a routine and the elevated levels of confidence coming in. I hadn’t realised how much of my self esteem and confidence had rested in my relationship. And now separated – it’s starting all over again, but knowing I only have myself to get anything from. It’s an important curve. 

At the end of the day, I can only fix me, right?!


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