Is this what my life has become?
Tired, fed up and numb.
My husband barely tolerates me around,
He’s cutting, patronising and a bitterness in him I’ve found.
I’m more alone than I’ve ever been,
Failure is what my husband has seen.
My past like a weight on a back,
It’s courage and strength that I lack.
I would love to feel safe and respected,
Attractive, appreciated and affection received and expected.
I don’t like the person I’ve become,
Weak, ashamed, pitiful and dumb.
Unchartered territory I wander,
With the rain, the wind and the thunder.
I need a sign of what I should do
A suggestion, advice or a clue.
My husband has always been my soul mate,
But now all he has is hate.
Everyday is an ongoing battle from morning and through to the night,
The digs, the put downs and the outright fight.
My depression feels intense, a big scary hole,
Memories repeating in my brain, sadness and fear in my soul.
My life feels stuck on repeat
This wallowing in self pity I must beat.
I hope I can find strength to continue through this
My old, passionate self I miss.