Last night I spent over at my friend’s for Halloween. She had her daughter so I took J as my eldest daughter had a friend over. The girls were excited about Halloween, and my friend and I bought the last pumpkin which was pitiful! My job to pull out the sides was a disaster as a forgot the lid fitting on top!
The girls amused themselves while my friend and I caught up over a few drinks. She’s just been given the all clear for breast cancer so she’s feeling very happy and it’s great to see her energy and confidence back.
Staying over was a last minute decision, but it meant I could enjoy a few drinks and relax.
Then it was a case of dashing away at midday when my friend got up and dropping off J, quick shower and then the monthly group – which I haven’t attended for a few months. Fortunately I’ve been staying in touch with people so I’ve been kept aware of what’s going on. I really missed the group. It’s helpful to hear other survivors sharing and I learnt more about myself again and how things I’d thought were character flaws are actually considered panic attacks – the urgent need I sometimes get to run away or get away from a situation and the fidgeting that follows, the sense of doom and fear.
I shared about my case hitting the rocks, I shared that my marriage had fallen apart and I shared that I had a stint in hospital. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t dramatic but rather I didn’t slip up at a later point and mention something in passing that sounded more of a bigger deal than it is/was. I did remove myself emotionally if I’m honest. I don’t really have the capacity to dwell on my sense of grief and hurt and confusion.
But I was happy that my husband asked about group when I got home. It makes me feel less alone. Although at the moment it’s usually one tiny step forward and 10 giant leaps back with us.
I’m seeing my gp tomorrow to discuss my shoulder from my motorbike accident and will hopefully walk the dog with another friend.
The group left me feeling drained but quietly inspired. And I’m keen to catch up with a lot of people outside of the group.
I’m very lucky to have such inspiring people in my life.