Pain and sleep (poem)

Every night I lie down with the same sense of dread

I pray that this be the last time I lie in my bed.

Fear and pain pulse like acid in my veins 

I’m lonely, I’m confused and I’m weighted down with shame.

How much longer can I fight this raging battle within 

Knowing no one can save me drowning, in images of him.

Depression grips me like a vice every second of the day

I can never get peace or justice, my attacker will never pay.

The shadows mock me with their presence in my periphery 

Noises outside threaten me, there will be no reprieve.

I’m damaged, I’m broken, I’m losing the will to fight

I’m so miserable, so boring with this long drawn out plight.

I wish I could be free at last of this never ending nightmare 

I wish I could find peace and justice – wouldn’t that be fair?

Just one night I’d like to close my eyes, and drift into a sleep

That won’t see me recover, that will in its warm embrace I’ll keep.

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