Back in Kratie

Back in Kratie. The taxi service was uneventful thank god. Just me having horrible pangs of guilt? Frustration? Upset? That I was driving away from the city. Most notably the airport. The gateway to home.

I arrived into the pouring rain, but the familiar faces of town and my little guesthouse did soothe my anxiety. 

I had dinner with my journalist friend, it was nice to catch up and feel ‘normal.’

Today I headed back to teaching. The organisation has introduced a ‘no moto’ policy, following my accident and a few before me, seems I got away lightest. This new policy means I have given up my freedom and ease of commuting to the school. 

Apparently a tuk tuk will be my way of travel to the school and back. But he couldn’t make it today, so I was given a lift by staff – get this – on the back of the moto with NO helmet. I also watched this other member of the team, that I don’t like because he’s useless and unprofessional, use a Moto, despite never have ridden a motorbike before and passing his drivers test – but never driven a car since then.

Feels a bit hypocritical. 

I arrived into the staff room and the temperature must have dropped to sub zero, the Australian teacher – who previously couldn’t stand the guy on the Moto have become strong alliances. As such, I wasn’t acknowledged at all. Exaggerated attempts to ignore me. I’ve never seen such childish behaviour before. I took it in my stride, caring only about my students. They greeted me with enthusiastic hugs and genuine concern.

I began teaching again finding my flow. Impressed by how much my students had remembered from my teaching.

After two lessons I returned to the woman taking me back – no helmet again.

I have brief respite in my guesthouse until this evening’s class. The dreaded one because one guy in particular likes to talk over everyone and in turn makes them feel bad.

Then I’m being taken home in the dark via Moto – you guessed it, no helmet.

I was fortunate to be able to FaceTime with my family today. The kids looked so happy and well and I’m sure my dog recognised me! They as usual questioned when I was coming home and talked about missing me. They also asked me if I would do anything like this again. I told them quite honestly, no. Being away from my children this long has been unbearable. I thought I would manage it, I thought I’d enjoy the chance to be independent and have space. I was wrong. I’m so happy to have experienced Cambodia and I wouldn’t change that, but I should never have planned to be away this long – and knowing there’s no flights is enough to make me feel useless, trapped and desperate to become a proper mother again.

I miss the chaos, the noise and the unconditional love of my family. 

I will also miss my daughter’s birthday on Oct 13, which makes me feel terribly guilty.

After this week there is a holiday in Cambodia. 

Pchum Ben
That means most of the places will shut down for the week, including my accomodation. 

I’d like to see Siem Reap and visit Ankor Wat, before returning to Phonm Penh. But apparently the transport and accomodation may be hard at this time. I have this week to look into it.

If I can just hold on – I’ll be reunited with my family soon enough.

I have learnt so much from this trip. Made some great friends, had some experiences. But I’ve also learnt the importance of having my family. That memories are best shared with the people you love.

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