Today I headed to a ‘pay lip service’ meeting with my NGO head office.
As usual it was patronising and wrapped in ‘the best intentions’ which still comes off as bullshit.
I’m coming to learn that I might have had a slightly naive view about NGOs. It’s impossible not to have politics.
But I just had to swallow the load and carry on.
By midday no amount of coffee was going to get me through. So I made my excuses and left for an ‘appointment’ which was just a hair cut. My hair has gone big and boofy and it’s making me hot and adding an extra two inches of height to me.
The end result is I now look like Edward Scissorhands went to task on me. The way the guy was flicking those scissors around, I’m surprised I’m not scarred like Edward! But I have lost about 5lbs in excess hair and I can feel the breeze against my head. My hairdresser in NZ is going to have a mission in front of her when I get back.
My patient and ever loyal tuk tuk driver was there for me to drive me around and take the worry out of navigation.
My husband sent some really nice pictures of the kids, which as I looked through them created attention and interest. I found myself waxing lyrical about my kids back home in NZ.
Of course, now evening is setting I’m alone again and feeling the overwhelming sense of loneliness and longing for my children.
There is a claustrophobic sense that I can’t get back – which I’ve never considered before. Usually you want a plane, you book your seat. But it never occurred to me about waiting so long.
So I have to utlise this opportunity and try not to waste it away with feeling glum.
I’m heading back to Kratie in a couple of days. I can catch up with my students and important friends there. Try to relax.
My husband received good news about work opportunities so I hope that he too can relax and get some confidence back. As much as I want to push the issue with a conversation, he’s on shut down. So I can only hope with time he finds some peace and acceptance.
I feel so distant from my family. I’m feeling a sense of lonlieness that is unlike me.
I’m just going to have to try my best to use the time to learn more about myself and use the days off to explore a country I really do love and am inspired by.