Despite my earlier upset over my daughter and my marriage situation I have enjoyed another day/evening in Cambodia.
The storm from Vietnam is here. The rain pours hard and fast, but it clears the air and is good for the rice fields.
Riding on the Moto was hard. Getting motivated for my later class felt difficult – not least because I was caught in the emotion of the day and the communication at home.
My laundered clothes I can’t pick up yet because the rain is so much it would be pointless. So I have one last dress and a pair of shorts and t-shirt.
I packed my dress for teaching and braved the weather in my shorts, deciding flip flops were my best shoes, as my other shoes are soaked through and my feet will be wet anyway. I donned the shorts and t-shirt and put on my hardcore wet weather jacket to ride slowly to the university.
I dressed in the toilets and went into my darkened classroom not really anticipating many if any students would show up. Being dark and torrential weather it’s not easy to commute. Power cuts are sporadic and the parking area was like a little pond.
One student showed up, so we were able to talk together and get to know each other and his goals and aspirations – which never cease to amaze and inspire me.
After the lesson I wadded through the water to my Moto – the beast still started but I noticed I was on empty for fuel. I just prayed I could last to the nearest gas station. Which I did, and with the fuel my bike and I headed back to the little guesthouse which has become home to me.
My journalist friend is back from Phomn Penh and after a warming, cleansing blissful shower I joined her for dinner.
There were quite a few at the restaurant this evening. I see it empty and busy. I don’t mind either. I can sit alone and work or be joined by new people or more familiar faces.
The rained stopped and aside from the chirping cicadas which I love to hear, my small town was quiet and calm.
I am inspired and invigorated by the culture, the sirenty and the change between bustling and quiet.
I am lucky. I am blessed to ride my Moto to school, to see my happy and eager students.
I feel welcome and secure at my accomodation. I am learning new things every day. About the people, the culture, the country and myself.
I try every evening to soak it in. To remain in the present and let my anxieties and fears, my demons find a place away from my present. To not feel fear, but to feel alive. To appreciate the smaller moments.
If I focus on home, I will be filled with emotion. It will stop me, bring me back, make me question everything and I feel my opportunity will be wasted, flitted away by something I have no control over.
Right now, I am a teacher. An independent, strong woman. Thinking for myself, planning my own day and dispersing energy as I need. Taking inspiration from others and considering my own views.
Cambodia reminds me; I am alive.