My first teaching day over! Three classes with varying degrees of ability – but the passion and eagerness to learn was contagious. What a fantastic culture here.
Incredibly hot! But look I have a projector! So that makes things so much easier and visually more interesting for the students.
My only concern is keeping up the momentum and not letting them down. I have such amazing students and I really want to foster that enthusiasm and commitment.
After my lessons I get to ride my motorbike along the bustling streets and I always add a swing along the Mekong. The tranquility and beauty is recharging. And I like to see the varying colours of the sky and the stillness of the water.
I don’t feel afraid, I feel at peace. The wind cooling me down, the freedom of the motorbike. The other motos humming along.
I am both part of something and yet uniquely removed to observe, to appreciate and to learn.
I am going with the flow. Not analysing, not hindering on my own demons. Just being. My soul is awake.
But I miss my family. They are always with me. I miss my home, I miss the connection of love and affection.
But when it gets too much I consider how lucky I am to have this opportunity. To be inspired and to be enchanted. I know my time will come when I can breathe in my children, hold them, feel their warmth and what an amazing gift that will be.
I haven’t heard any more from my legal team at present. November is the pre case management hearing. And as I had hoped, I am not dwelling on the case. I won’t let that pull me into a reservoir of self loathing and shame.
I have so many periods of self doubt here, I doubt my capabilities as a teacher, I doubt myself as a person, I know I have let my husband down. I guess this is inevitable as I am alone and forced to think of my cause and effect. But I’m not uncomfortable with this introspection. It’s been a long time coming. It’s due. I need to grow and learn more about myself and see that maybe I am capable and that I can change things about myself.
It will be a difficult and stressful week in terms of lesson preparation. Far more work needs to go into this. I suspect by Friday I will be a wrung out zombie. But as long as I am successful and my students are happy – it will be worth it.