My son accompanied me as I collected my much anticipated passport from the post office today. Then straight to immigration in the city – which of course didn’t go smoothly. My husband had to get involved and the saga went on for ages. Eventually my son and I took a brief lunch break after I had to get some more hideous passport photos taken
It was all very autopilot, I guess being with my boy makes it harder to imagine being apart from him.
Finally, once I’d pushed my son’s patience and felt comfortable that I’d got everything needed, I started to pack
This evening my husband and I talked more than we have done in months. Admittedly the conversation seemed to sway more towards what he was going to miss out on with me being gone, boat trips, overseas opportunities, get togethers. But i must remind myself that this trip is something I need to do. To take pressure off of us, explore a country I’ve been desperate to see and help with an aid organisation.
I also talked to my daughters this evening about my intended plans. They were a bit upset, but thought the cause was good and were happy that we could Skype regularly.
I suppose the reality won’t sink in until my flights are booked – which I’ll be doing over the weekend. I’ve been so focussed on getting organised and researching and the awkwardness at home I’ve not let emotion seep into my thoughts.
Since getting the Depo shot though, I have been experiencing painful cramps. Getting worse by day and especially in the evening. I hope desperately that this settles. Removing periods was my way of removing possible triggers while I was away. Cramping that moves down deep into my lower abdomen will only serve to aggravate my triggers.
Tomorrow is my youngest daughter’s birthday. This daughter is still very ‘girly’ likes her pink and is extremely excitable and loud. She’s the daughter I can find most grating at times. The only time she’s silent is when she’s asleep! So I anticipate a long, action packed, messy, chaotic weekend. Yes, I’m the one at Xmas and birthdays that runs around with black bags to gather the mess and try to keep order.
Finally getting to Cambodia still seems like a dream. And the guilt of leaving my children is growing. That said, I feel the challenge and need to spend time finding myself over again will be paramount to my finding strength and courage.
I’ve heard nothing from my legal team in the UK, so I assume I won’t until November.
Life feels uncertain, unknown. I can’t know for sure what the right path is. And if this gamble will pay off. But I’m not prepared to lay down and die just yet, so I have to make this push out of my comfort zone and connect with the older me. That felt confident, that took life by the balls.