My husband called the mental health team to have my appointment brought forward from March 25 as we had arranged to see the psychiatrist within two weeks of the last appointment which had been a successful visit. They slotted me in for this afternoon which was much quicker.
The premises had changed again while they’re in limbo. This time I went to a high rise building and the office was a usually unused white washed place. The reception was a tiny square and one blue sofa sat miles away at the other side of this huge room. In the Drs office it was completely plain white aside from his desk and an uncomfortable blue chair. It was literally like a dream sequence!
The psychiatrist previously had been well prepared. He’d read my file, knew my medication and history and impressed me by not patronising me. Just discussing the plan forward. This time was very different. He began to talk to me. At me. He talked about emotions, stressors, medications. He talked as though I’d never heard it before. Then he paused to ask if I was on medication. I was a bit taken aback. So once we’d cleared that up he went on. And on. In fact for 30 minutes he talked about, well, medications and getting rest I suppose. My objective had been to discuss the consideration of a change to my anti depressant to something with more of an anxiety managing property. Also I wanted to manage the nightmares and sleep. But he dismissed my request until a later date.
In all as I left the White wash room to the dodgy lift, I felt it had been a wasted trip. I was a little disheartened because last time he seemed to have so much promise.
Maybe he was just having an off day?
My husband has arranged for me to see an EMDR specialist next week. Although I didn’t find it useful in the UK, I hope it might be more beneficial here.
Overall I’m feeling pretty run down and tired.
I go from the psychiatrist’s office to pick up my son from kindy and chat to his teachers seemingly without a care in the world. I am living in an altered universe. I cry alone, I panic alone, but I smile to the world. As long as I don’t get them mixed up – I’m doing fine.