The apology

I received a call from my (now) former therapist this morning to reschedule our regular Thursday appointment due to illness – presumably she had not been informed of my decision. An hour or so later I received a text to apologise for the call during our last session. Stating family issues as the cause and the reason for her recent distraction. I feel a little ‘put out’ about this as her and I both know that she used her cell phone from the beginning of our counselling relationship and another call she took was from another client. But I’m not going to get into that because I feel like its nitpicking. Essentially she has been spoken to and has apologised and I appreciate that. I’m aware of most, if not all of her family issues because she often referred to them in our sessions. It became almost like a shared session, but towards the end she was undoubtedly distracted. And perhaps best placed to take time out.

I feel sad for her of course, she’s a nice woman and no family deserves unhappiness or stress.

Today I feel sad and unworthy. My previous therapist was never available when I needed her most – during anniversaries, forgetting dates, changing times, to the point that it became irregular and affected my family’s week, and i would hold so much back that my healing just seemed to stop. Now this therapist has been distracted by family issues and her own cell phone.

How can I not take this personally?

All my life my pain and hurt relating to my trauma has been stifled. No one wants to hear it. How can I let go if people just walk away? How can I trust if people let me down?

It’s like my inner voice is simply not meant to be heard. I don’t understand how I feel anymore. I don’t know how to cry. I don’t how how to express my fear or grief. I guess it was long enough ago – I should really just let it go. Who needs to hear it anyway?

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11 thoughts on “The apology

  1. Everyone needs to share their feelings and experiences with a trusted therapist. Keep looking for the right person. I have found the right person for me and it has been an incredibly freeing experience.

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  2. I am so sorry your experiences with therapists have been so anti-therapeutic but I agree that you need to look for someone who WILL hear you & help you in a way you deserve. We are here to listen, but you need an outlet to heal & you deserve it, too. Please continue to push forward… For you.

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  3. I think you need the right person to listen. My experience was that a lot of therapists are not that good, but that a few are excellent. I hate to say how many I’ve tried – about half a dozen. Um…maybe one or two more.

    Good for you for dumping this one. There is no excuse for taking calls, at least almost none. And then she also burdens you with her problems? Time to run. You are doing the right thing. I’d be very angry, in your shoes.

    I found a good T, and you can too. BTW, he hasn’t ever cancelled in three years, and never taken a call during a session. If he has issues, which he must, I have yet to find out what they are.

    You’ll find someone appropriate if you keep looking.

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  4. So I wish I had these words of positivity. But I don’t. It just plain stinks. Yet the truth is that you may get a new therapist that will work with you to heal in a healthy way. Without that “phone call” you might have been stuck in a poor therapeutic relationship in which you never felt truly validated. Now you are in charge. You spoke up. You made it change. It’s no fun starting over but at the same time it may remind just how far you’ve come. I’m just babbling now but it’s all good because it has to be, right! ❤

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  5. it’s very hard to find a good therapist. Takes perseverance. Letting this on go was very wise of you. Sounds like you were her therapist- and using a cell during costly sessions is WRONG! And that includes fees on a sliding scale or even free sessions. it’s just WRONG! You are smart, wise and seem to have a good grip on what you need, which is top-notch. Keep looking till you find it. Perseverance pays off… good luck!

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