Last week was pretty intense for me. I was took part in a march through the city for women’s rights which was very important to me and yet at this point in time well outside of my comfort zone. The walk led from the centre of town to parliament. Here is a link of the national news if you are interested:
Then on the same evening I went and watched a viewing of ‘Consent’ and listened to Louise Nicholas do a presentation. She’s an advocate for the rape presentation education organisation in Auckland and the movie is based on her experiences of repeated assaults by police officers.
Both experiences were emotive but important and empowering to me and I met a lot of incredibly inspiring people.
Therapy was confronting on the Thursday as I explored a lot of my anger and voiced my deep rooted frustrations with everyone that have let me down.
I had decided I needed some time out. Therapy had been getting intense, I was in this ongoing routine with the kids, regular psychiatrist appointments, taking my medications, not sleeping well, just feeling on edge and quite miserable. The plan was to go away on the weekend to Rotorua. But I decided to drive on Thursday up to Taupo. Best decision I could have made. The weather was rotten, and it took a good 5 hours. I was exhausted. I stayed in a hotel on the lake front. The following day it was just a 2 hour drive to a Bach I had rented. Situated on private land, next to a forest and right on a lake. It was absolutely stunning. Peaceful, warm, and a spa pool! I didn’t use a radio or a TV and didn’t bother with social media. I just read. It was absolute bliss. I’d read for hours and forget the time. And every night I slept deeply and peacefully. I didn’t feel anxious, I didn’t feel fear or anything. Of course I had my torches next to me just in case but I felt truly safe. I felt free. It was the most amazing feeling.
I left on Monday and drove straight through to get home. Unbelievably there was snow on some of the way home! It was pretty odd drive. Suffice to say I was shattered by the time I arrived.
Last night (Tuesday) I had a couple of awful nightmares and woke up in a panic not sure where I was.
And tomorrow of course is therapy again.
The break was wonderful and I’m so glad and appreciative that I got to go. To see that I could actually experience those feelings of being relaxed. Of sleeping properly. I wish I could have bottled that and not the array of medications I have instead.