Group therapy

There’s a monthly group held fairly locally for women survivors of trauma. I’ve not been to anything like it before. There’s a few reasons I tend to distance myself from ‘those women.’ Most notably is that I feel my experiences aren’t ‘bad enough’ and that I’m not worthy of anyone’s time. I have therapy because my family depend on my sound mind and it complements my psychiatrist. Also I find it impossible to cry for myself. But let me hear someone else’s stories and I could cry like a baby. Hardly ideal for a group setting.

When I did my stint in the Priory in the UK, there were groups to participate in, ‘gently expected to attend’ should I say. Managing anxiety, managing stress, some new age ones involving writing about trees or something and the old favourite mindfulness. Everyone else, unless they were still in the throws of plotting escape/suicide/sneaking in drugs/alcohol gleefully seemed to skip along. Wide eyed in the hope of inspiration. I was more like Oscar from Sesame Street. I learnt I wasn’t a group person.

When i trained to work with Women’s Refuge before my first breakdown, I’d be exposed to some shocking stories in training. And I’d cry. On the job I didn’t cry obviously – that would make me pretty crap. But I’d lie awake in tears and ask after people all the time as they got lost in the system. Worrying that I’d never quite done enough.

With my personal experiences I’m lonely. I go to a nice website and I read things and think wow! I could have written that! I read blogs on here and think the same. It’s all I have. I guess it’s all most of us have.

So I thought id try this group.

My fears are, that no one turns up. That’s is excruciatingly awkward. That everyone is emotional. That it scares me.

But most of all, that I’m forced to realise, I belong.

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3 thoughts on “Group therapy

  1. You have empathy for the people you see who are hurting. Empathy out of pain is a huge step. Crying at night may be something you talk with your Therapist about. You are worthy no matter how “little” you think your problems are. I’m not a group person either, I cry for every hurt child I hear about yet the next minute I can talk about my abuse without emotion. I’m 51, battling the demons a long time and one thing I know about me. There are some issues I may never talk about and that is ok. As long as the trauma is not dragging me around or I spend time thinking about, that’s ok. What drags you down is the trauma you think about, worry about, second guess about and it pulls you by the neck. When I opened up my secret box, it was with a Therapist I had been seeing for years about my Bipolar Disorder. She never pushed me all the years, when I threw something out, we would talk about it. I trusted her. Before I opened up I told her what I wanted to talk about and what was off limits. She has respected that to this day. You may never cry for yourself, only time will tell, you can’t force your emotions. I have told her things that would bring me to tears if I saw on the news. I have resolved or disassociated the issues with my mother. This past week I did a post on how the abuse of two blogger friends brought up tremendous anger. Watching the kids being used as pawns brought up memories of how I was to. The anger & emotional wasn’t about me, seeing her children go thru what I did was heartbreaking. I knew what they were going thru. It broke my heart for her and the kids. You have to set the pace you feel comfortable with. There isn’t SHOULD in resolving the past. I think you have built a good team to support you. You decide on everything. I say everything with a good heart. Take something if it works for you. I leave my hand out to you, take it anytime you need support. Have a great weekend. 🙂

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  2. Wow there’s so much you doing for others by the sounds of things and good to at it..
    You know I’m slowly learning penny we always get something out of what we have given ..and showing emotions and feeling is a gift you have and those people you helped wether for short time or long periods will always remember your sincerety. .
    Take care lisa

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