I follow a few blogs that interest me. My blog was meant to be a way for me to make sense of jumbled thoughts, rants, moans, feel sorry for myself and be carthetic . I didn’t realise until I started looking around how many people like me were out there. I wasn’t alone. I made what I feel was a brave decision to link my blog to my Facebook page. I was going through a terrible low. But my statuses only conveyed these tiny polarised shots of mood and/or misery. The ones that made me sound ungrateful, the perpetual grumpy old woman. After all, I have a wonderful husband and kids, a nice life – who am I life to grizzle and groan?
The feedback was fantastic. People admitting they had no idea how bad things were, more admitting their own experiences with mental health problems and medications. People that knew people, etc. suddenly here I was admitting the bare uncomfortable truth, I could hardly do my kids laundry, get up in the morning, do the school run, everything was a struggle, it even hurt to breathe. Even the one that seems on the surface to have it all, that seems to be so strong and so confident, is a second from breaking.
My sordid affair with mental (un)health has been going on for a long time. I have been on so many different medications over the years, people tend to treat me as the Wikipedia of pharmaceuticals. I have been hospitalised, and at my very worse a suicide attempt. My husband is whom I feel most sorry for. He has sat by my bed waiting to know if I’ll make it, he has visited me in hospital, washed me, cared for me because I’ve been so medicated, I’ve sworn and shouted at him, broken down in tears before, woken in nightmares, I have my odd routines and fears. He has to carefully watch my behaviour for precursors of mood changes. He has found me after I have cut quite badly. All of these ugly sides to my mental health he has taken on. He has managed and has continued to love me.
My mental health is further complicated by PTSD. What I have come to learn is that no one can fully appreciate how exhausting this life is. It is a constant battle with yourself, with these demons. I need pills to get me through the days. I’m both grateful yet saddened at this reality. I should like to have a day with common anxieties. Rather than my brain turning everything into a Shakespearean tradegy, complete with paranoia and dramatic failure thrown in.
So, after reading about this movement, I felt it was something I might be able to contribute to.
“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.” “
Link: Blog For Mental Health 2014 | A Canvas Of The Minds
Blog For Mental Health 2014