The country I was born in, is not where I am from. In fact I have spent less time in the country I was born in than my entire life overall. When I had the opportunity to leave, I left. I ran! I have travelled extensively over the years.
In time, I have come to objectively view elements of the country that I was born in with a fair eye. I enjoy the architecture and the history. Some of the finer dining establishments, and winter shopping in the capital. But that is where it ends. The culture, the archaic mentality, poor healthcare, poor education, high crime, insufferable racism and poor standard of living makes it a miserable place for me. I am estranged from my family, and all I have are demons in the murky girth of the place. So my home, my place of identity is where my home is. My family are, my life is and where legally I reside. I am proud of this heritage, of the history and the people. I take pride in my home, I appreciate the beauty, the unique culture, the expanse of unusual and captivating land. It’s where I have grown. Where my children have been born and grow.
At my very nature I’m a free spirit. If I hadn’t settled, married with children, I would still be wandering the globe. But it is what it is. And so home is here. I don’t expect to have to argue my case. Today I did and I was surprised by how much it hurt me.
I truly feel that people are born and then wander. Their home is wherever they choose to make it. It’s like whomever you choose to be with, a man, a woman, alone, you choose your company and so that’s your destiny. No one has any right to question that – to query decisions or query validity.
We choose what’s right and what’s fitting. For me, I have abandoned my historic links to an extent. They don’t make me feel good or safe. And that’s my choice! No more or less valid than the next person.
The most important things I know to be true are my passion and my strength to stand by what I believe in. The rest seems to be very much an altering work in progress.
I feel I have embarked on a lonely journey, as no one can understand what I’m experiencing and thinking about right now. As long as I keep my feet grounded into what I call my home and hold onto my passion, I will see where I go….