Bad day – therapy that never happened

Today has been truly awful. I had hoped for the relief of therapy. But it didn’t happen. Rather than explaining the whole thing, I will paste the email I just sent to my therapist – as it explains it all for me;

“Hi Anne

You told me last week that you had to be very strict about allotted time slots because of your work load and clients. I had been the one previously that said it was impossible to offer clients set hours as needs vary so you know that I do not take issue with appointment times that lag and think its unrealistic to get people in and out within an hour, if it was that tidy – I think something is going wrong. People can’t be unzipped and tidily zipped up 58 minutes 58 seconds later.

I waited zipped up in that waiting room until 1pm. Slowly I became uncoiled. It’s unlike me to have that emotion, but I have been triggered and could no longer hold the barrage of emotions. The ones we try so hard to reach. By 1:10, I was sobbing. I had no intention of knocking on the door, of revealing my plight to anyone. That’s my choice – and I don’t have a level of trust with anyone else. I opted to get out and dodge.

Your voicemail was, to be honest, quite shitty. You might as well have said, hey, what are you being unreasonable for? If our appointment goes late -you want to hope someone else has more patience. Might you have considered that perhaps I didn’t take off because of impatience – have I ever.? But because I was so frail and emotional. I had moved the car and parked and toyed with going back, I wanted you to know the reason I left was because of my very public upset. Your text ‘I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could cry here’ no I couldn’t cry in the waiting room. By default that’s not its purpose. You know me well enough to know I associate crying with shame and fear, embarrassment and failure. And your “I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could cry here” is classic putting it all onto me. Again, you could say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

I’m sorry I broke down in the waiting room. Technically it was after 1pm, so within my allotted time. But I couldn’t zip it up, I couldn’t pull myself together, I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Anyway, there is no purpose to this email then to tell you what I’m thinking,”

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3 thoughts on “Bad day – therapy that never happened

  1. Wow I am sorry to hear that your therapist was so insensitive with what was a very real and pressing emotional moment for you. I felt like you acted so professionally and together in ways that many people wouldn’t have been able to. And now, besides dealing with whatever associated shame you may have from this, your therapist seems to have added to that pile. It is a bit presumptuous for her to assume your reasons for your actions without first addressing it with you in person?! Hope you feel okay and can fix this rupture in the relationship.

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    1. Thank you so much for your words. I anticipated that people might think I had over reacted. It’s so hard to gauge objectively the ‘right’ way to respond. There have been a few incidents, her not turning up, not being there on incredibly important dates. I feel that this may have been the final straw. Although I might be taking things personally, I’m getting more hurt and more inconvenienced as time goes time goes on. I really appreciate your input, thank you

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  2. It must be very hard to deal with the disappointment that comes up when your therapist is not there for you, physically and emotionally! I don’t think you’re taking it personally. At the end of the day, therapy should be about you. When the therapist consistently becomes more of an obstacle than a helpful tool along your journey, there’s a problem. I am glad to offer my opinion if it helps so it’s an absolute pleasure. Let me know if you start looking for a new therapist and how that goes 🙂

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