Well, here in New Zealand we seem to be finally out of the worst of the Covid situation. Glad we had a faster response to the pandemic by our government and had a well organised and executed plan. When I watch TV now and see people wearing masks and distancing it seems really obscure. But I feel really sorry for the places where there is still a huge problem.
I’m working myself to the absolute bone. Well not literally unfortunately or else I would not carry the ton of weight I’m carrying! although as I keep saying I’m not entirely keen on the role I’m doing at the moment, it keeps the money coming in and I’ll be covered over Christmas which is a really stressful period obviously.
Steve is still going away quite often and I’m having the children at my house pretty much all the time and I absolutely love it. I have such a really good relationship with my children, and any emotional ties I felt to the old house are completely gone. I have no desire to stay there at all anymore as I really love my little place and love how I have it all set up.I’ve still got the dog here! Honestly I can’t imagine myself without him now. He is such a character and it is really cute the noises he makes when I walk in the front door. He’s a lousy security dog but he looks scary, which is funny because he is a real sook. He doesn’t like the cold and he doesn’t like storms. His presence is also encouraging me and the kids to go out more for walks which we’ve all really enjoyed.
For this Christmas I’ll be predominantly working and I think the children will be going back to Napier to see their hideous grandparents.
At least the kids get to go somewhere different and the weather is pretty much always nice in Napier so they will have a good time. I would actually love a holiday so much, the last time I went away was when I went to England during a really difficult period so it wasn’t really a holiday. And spending time with my parents is never really relaxing. I’d love to be somewhere near the beach and not worry about work or anything. But I can’t imagine ever being in a position financially to do that.
I’m not having my counselling anymore, my counsellor is retiring soon and I think she’s really struggling as she is getting so much older and I find myself getting a little frustrated in her company. So I haven’t had counselling for quite a significant amount of time now. I rarely see my GP either and just request new medication as I need it online which is really handy. I don’t think I’ve had such a long period of stability for so long. Obviously I have times where I get anxious or emotional but I can’t see it as being anything more than what anyone else would go through.The PTSD is predominantly managed. Again I think a lot of that is probably because I’m forced into situations that I would usually avoid. I’m living alone and the noises in the night that I have to deal with although I do have the dog which I have to say does help immensely. At work I have to deal with highly emotive situations and at times there are confrontational situations which I have to deal with. That feeling of being on the brink of a panic attack is getting easier to manage which I suppose probably is down to me being more desensitised.
I am extremely tired all of the time, it might be just because of my medication. Or it might be the stress of work and doing the long hours and looking after the children at the same time. Who knows? Probably having a bad diet isn’t helping! But I’m so busy all the time I don’t really have time to think about meal planning.
My ankle has mostly healed in terms of the bone and ligaments. But the degeneration of the bone will stay as it is which is actually quite poor due to osteoporosis. Generally I have found it has gotten better. I don’t want to take painkillers because they can interact with my medications. So I will take an ibuprofen if needed. It can hurt on really cold mornings but as we are moving into the end of spring start of summer I’m hoping that will be significantly less. And to be honest I’m quite active with my job so theres not going to be time to rest anyway.
I’ve moved my two younger children to a different school because the younger daughter has been experiencing bullying and although we tried to work collaboratively with the school, they had no real policies in place and rather than keep putting her in an unsafe situation and going backwards and forwards to the school I decided it was better to just pluck her out and put her somewhere else, I put my son in the same school as he will need to go to intermediate soon anyway.My older two daughters are doing really well. My eldest daughter is doing her NCEAwhich is stressful for her but I’m really proud of her because I know she’s studying really hard. My second youngest daughter has taken a while to settle but she seems to be really finding herself now and again I’m really proud of her as well.
Dating obviously isn’t even a thing for me. I’m just not interested. I wonder if that will change as sometimes I really miss having company but my children and my work are more important to me than anything else.
Aside from job dramas but I won’t write about in here I can say that my life is just ticking along. Nothing particularly amazing or radical has happened but that’s probably for the best!